This guest post by El Edwards is part of the VBL Guest Post Month!.
It’s Monday morning, the first day of a brand new week. You stare at the blank, white screen in front of you, cursor flashing. What on earth are you going to do today?!
You pull out your planner, to-do list, GTD system or the good old fashioned diary, but it might as well be written in ancient Greek for all the help it gives you. You’re stuck.
Coffee? That’ll help won’t it? It’s bound to shift this fog and get you back in the right direction toward amassing your fortune, earning your keep, and generally keeping the proverbial wolf from the door. Because, let’s be honest, you don’t have time for this do you? You’ve a business to run.
There’s a whole world of stuff you should and could be doing right now but none of it feels right. Woah! Hang on a minute there cowboy. Feels? What’s this feeling nonsense you talk of? You’re an entrepreneur. You deal in plans and figures and goal setting and targets. Since when did you let your feelings dictate your work flow?
Well I have news for you sweetie. Feelings are what got you here in the first place.
Think back to why you started playing this game. What made you turn your back on the regular nine to five working for the man? Did it have something to do with dreams? Maybe a desire to spend more time with loved ones? Perhaps you wanted to earn a bit of cash whilst travelling the world? Forget travelling the world, do you have a desire to change it?
Whatever got you into this game, it certainly wasn’t facts, figures and balance sheets. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, your feelings have got you on this path so it’s time to play them at their own game. It’s time to start recognising your feelings for what they are and get real.
Stop pretending that you have it all together. The very next time your world feels a bit foggy, look around you. He might never admit it, but that guy over there in the slick suit and fancy tie? Yes him. He’s been where you are right now. And Ms ‘I have three degrees and six suits from Gucci’? She’ll be there next week. You are not alone.
The stuff whirling around inside that lovely head of yours is amazing. You can do such awesome stuff. But on the day that the fog descends, on the day when everything around you suddenly feels wobbly, you will feel all alone and shut off.
I’m here to blow the whistle on all that nonsense. The sooner we start being honest about this entrepreneurial journey of ours, the easier and more fun it will be.
Imagine that you’re having a dark day. Not black but certainly a darker shade of grey.
Just as you’re beginning to feel like the most frustrated person on the planet, your phone rings. It’s your best friend. A person who you not only respect and adore as a friend, but someone who you look up to in business too. So you pick up the phone expecting to hear of their latest triumph but instead, they tell you that they have a secret to share with you.
You grab another cup of coffee, ready for a tale of secret travels for their spouse’s birthday next month. But no, it’s not that kind of secret:
“Shhh, don’t tell anyone. I have something to tell you. I feel like a fake and a fraud. Everyone sees me as this hugely successful person. They respect my opinion and think I’m great. But the thing is, who am I to think I can run this multi-national corporation? I’m just me. Who am I kidding?!”
Wow! You land in your seat with a bump, the air knocked out of your lungs in shock. And then smiling and breathing a sigh of relief, you recover and prepare to welcome your friend to the club.
When was the last time you heard a peer own up to this darker side of business? Do you ever look around at your contemporaries and feel a slight tinge of envy because they have no worries?
I have news for you my friend. Every single person on this planet has days like this. There are some great actors in our circle but it’s an illusion.
It’s time to start being honest. It’s time to start being real. It’s time to shine a light on the dark stuff so it has no-where to hide. Who’s with me?
El Edwards is a muse and writes Heaven and El where she inspires people to live their dreams in an honest and authentic way. You can read more about El’s vision in her manifesto, Like A Breath Of Fresh Air. She’s also the founder of UK registered charity Give A Brick where she uses social media to empower unconditional love and giving.
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Perfect! El’s post captured the ups and downs we all feel as we work our way to the perfect business lifestyle.
Some days are awesome and some days are tough. Either way you forge ahead because that’s what it means to be an entrepreneur.
Thanks Yolanda. Some days can be truly terrifying and lonely can’t they? Everyone talks about all the wonderful things about being an entrepreneur but, as you may have gathered, I feel pretty passionately about honesty and keeping things real. I suspect that there’s a whole load of stuff going on in our heads that we feel is just us but you know what? It’s not. Even our most successful entrepreneurs like Chris here have days that feel like they would be better spent in bed!
Hahaha. Couldn’t agree more, El.
Thanks again for writing such a great, inspiring post for all the VBL Community.
Its much appreciated.
Chris
It was my absolute pleasure Chris. Thanks for having me.
Absolutely – couldnt agree more with you.
If you want the rainbow, youve gotta put up with the rain…! Said very well by Dolly Parton, and of course Sir David Brent…!
Chris
Oh Oh more british comedy show moments, lets not start that again
Why the bloody hell not…!??!!!!
And here’s the clip……. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trR170GsMVY
That Ricky Gervais is a legend! Did you see his series ‘An idiot abroad’ where he sent one of his grumpy mates to see the 7 wonders of the world?
And thanks Michelle, appreciate your kind words.
You’re welcome El – No, I never saw ‘An idiot abroad’ I just watched the trailer on YT looks so funny – thanks for the tip!
That is a great article, thanks for sharing Chris and of course El! And what a great site name: Heaven and El
It is really great that some (few) people also point out the challenges that everybody in the working environment (entrepreneur or not) has. When looking at all the entrepreneurial posts, everything seems so easy and people of course love to read those success stories a la Tim Ferriss etc, and want to be like them. What doesn’t show is that also these people have their challenges, at least I would heavily assume so, and even sometimes their doubts about if they can really handle all that’s going on around them.
While, I think, it is easier to work your way ‘up’ (i.e. to a leading position, either in a company or to an at least semi-successful blog etc), it is much harder to stay there for a long time. And doubts etc will come, no question, as they also do in the early stages of establishing a business.
Again, great article, I really enjoyed rading it.
Regards from Greece,
David
Youre welcome, David.
Challenges are absolutely part of being an entrepreneur. I have talked about a lot of my own in my Monthly Reports here. I also plan to do a complete run-down, in some way, shape or form, on my journey to becoming a Virtual CEO early next year – assuming I hit the goal, obviously…!!! I’m sure there will be plenty as I go back through my monthly notes…!!
Thanks for dropping by and commenting on El’s great penmanship!
Chris
Thank you David. I have to be honest and say that the one thing about my place that isn’t of my invention is the name. I did jump on it when someone suggested it though if that helps?
I’m delighted that this hit home with you. It’s something that I’ve been seeing more and more of behind the scenes as I talk to people about their businesses but too often if just stays hidden away like some deep dark secret.
But even Superman puts his pants on one leg at a time so why not just be honest about it?
Im inspired
I read this a couple of times to make sure i “got” where you were going having also read your blog and signed up for my weekly dose of hapiness Im a cnvert.
You speak a lot of sense and truth. We should be more honest. If the Gurus told the truth we’d not make much money though LOL. Always a new better smart fast tool for folks to buy (I dont).
Keep smiling and dont let the bed bugs bite.
regads
Hooray! My work here is done.
Shall I tell you a secret? These gurus you speak of also have their grey days and I for one have ambitions to build Heaven and El into somewhere as popular as one of these guru’s sites so we can all start being a bit more honest, open and smiley.
The grass is always greener. It’s so easy to assume others have stuff figured out. Meet with top performers in any industry, as I have, and you’ll see we’re all the same. We all have the same fears. It should liberate us. You CAN make crazy-cool sh*t happen. Who the hell is Bill Gates? He’s got nothing on you. Go live your dream.
I think it’s less about making assumptions Christian and more about the persona these ‘top performers’ choose to display. When was the last time you heard Bill Gates talk about how fed up he’s feeling? Or that he’s scared? It’s just not the done thing is it?
And that’s the stuff I want to blow the whistle on because to be frank, I think it’s a load of tosh!
Very nice. I agree El, although a CEO or any business leader has a responsibility to lead. Leading with humility and transparency is doable, but rare. I would love to see some of my heroes publish candid memoirs that address their failures and self-doubt. Although I’m compelled to say I don’t think it’s disingenuous to lead with a smile
Great post El! Perfect timing for me – wrestling with the dilemma of sharing my process and revealing my darker days vs … well vs I don’t really know what, the fear of not appearing professional I suppose!
I’m so glad you brought that to the light, and I’m with you – I’m so with you!
xox
Thanks Noreen
I know of notable online examples who feel very strongly that we shouldn’t share personal things. I guess it depends on who your clients are. I work with superheros so empathy and understanding is part of my game.
But being open and honest about stuff doesn’t have to be done in the public online arena if that doesn’t work with your business model. You can find people to share stuff with and be honest with without compromising your work.
I’m from the stiff upper lip school myself.
I also know of notable online examples who are all for sharing. As well as your business model I’d say it’s got to fit in with your personal values and integrity. I think evolution is taking us towards better connections, relationships, and cooperative models of interactions, and people connect deeper when you share some of what makes you tick. Dave, I used to be from the stiff upper lip school too. I’m changing. I now share the happy stuff with ease, and am working on sharing the difficult stuff with grace.
“evolution is taking us towards better connections, relationships, and cooperative models of interactions, and people connect deeper when you share some of what makes you tick.”
Oh how I would love you to be correct Noreen. I believe that we’re at a point in history that has the potential to totally re-write the rules. I worked hard in school, got good grades and expected to get a ‘normal’ job because that was what we did. Is that what I want for my children? No way! Had you told me even just 10 years ago that I’d feel like this I’d have been astounded!
I’m in no doubt that people are increasingly waking up to the new paradigm of more feminine values, cooperation and supportive interaction. We *are* currently rewriting the rules and starting to create a different way of being.
My good grades from working hard in school, and then fitting neatly into the (square) educational and later professional system – that’s not what I envisage for my children (to be) either. There is so much more magic possible now!
That title… strangely compelling… I can’t click away from it… must read…
Teach a (wo)man to fish…
Haha! Love this comment, Dave.
Thanks for dropping by…
Chris
Chris, El and I have a back story about that title. So it just cracks me every time I see her transmogifry it into a new article.
Fab post Chris and El.
We’re all here at some point in our journey aren’t we?
But it’s cool to be there it makes you normal and human.
Chris – got to say you’ve had a great series of posts this month man!
Thanks Ben, glad you liked it.
You’re right, we do all get to the grey parts from time to time but what gets me is how great we are at covering these parts up. It’s great that you think it’s cool and can recognise the humanity in it all but unfortunately, not everyone does do they?
And that is what I find so frustrating I think. But hey, if we all chip away at our own little corner, I do believe that together we can shake things up.
El
lovely piece of writing and very profound thoughts. It’s a strange thing about human nature needing a sense of belonging – even if its belonging to a group of equally challenged (and human) contemporaries. There’s a sense of belonging and empowerment when everyone is in the sh*t together just as the all “conquering victorious” team.
Maybe it’s just me and my path through life but I have never been exposed to the extent of hype, guru worship and hyperbola that the internet seem’s to engender. The medium seems to lend itself to the creation of persona which seem so desirable but I suspect are far from the truth.
How much more of the 4 hour week, string of sports cars, carribean cruises and “internet lifestyle” do we have to endure? I don’t see what’s so bad about work – even though I would certainly like to streamline the process.
Loose weight eating all you like without exercising…Whats next?
Thank you El for your thought provoking comments (you must have pressed some of my buttons) and to Chris for providing this forum. You never fail to surprise with the lively discussion.
David
Hi David
I think it’s human nature to want to do things the quick and easy way but I suspect it’s a modern curse. Think back to when people would grow their own food and had blisters from washing their clothes by hand. There were no short cuts (and surely less of an obesity epidemic too?!)
But this is where we’re at and if I’m honest, as much as I share your frustrations for the hype, I’m thrilled to be a part of this generation. I’ve got to know so many people and do things that would have been deemed impossible just 50 years ago.
Which leaves me agreeing with your assessment that we do need to belong. I’m reading an interesting book called ‘connected’ about social networks and how we influence each other. I suspect you might enjoy it.
Thanks for your comment and delighted to have made you think a little
Hi El,
What an insightful and honest post. It’s true that we all have ups and downs. I must admit in the last few months I’ve had a few with my new project, which I am glad to say has come to the end of the first phase, my new book.
Now, I feel a little daunted about the next stage and your post makes me feel that there are many around that are like me. Thank you this. As Ben says, it makes us feel normal, human and helps me realise it’s all part of the journey
Adrian
Daunted? Seriously? Wow! Welcome to my life.
You’re so right Adrian, you really aren’t alone. I wish I had a time machine so I could talk to people like Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln about this. Do you think they could be persuaded to drop their guard and be honest?
I’m delighted to have been able to add a dose of humanity to your day because this stuff is, in my humble opinion, really important.
Thanks for taking the time to add your experiences.
Hi El,
This might be a bit left-field but If you want a time machine then I believe something just as good exists for Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill….it’s their letters and diaries that they kept. I think they show them in their more private moments, the doubts and fears they faced but weren’t always able to show.
Even the great leaders were human too,
Adrian
Not left field at all really Adrian. You make a very valid point (although the time machine sounds like more fun no?) and actually, you’ve just reminded me of the Churchill stuff my dad is reading. I think maybe you’ve given me an idea for a blog post so thank you.
Hi El,
You are more than welcome. Glad to have stimulated an idea for a post
And yes the time machine does sound more fun. If you build it, can I have a go at driving?
Adrian
Hehehe, I dunno, that depends. Is your time machine license all in good order? I wouldn’t like you to get pulled over by the time travelling police and be landed with a hefty fine.
All in order. Even was trained by Dr. W himself
Great post El and so very true. Entrepreneurs need to be more honest with themselves and seek appropriate help when they need it. Whether thats a consultant, coach or happiness guru. Entrepreneurs can’t do everything themselves.
Love to hear the back story behind the title!
I had to giggle Matthew. This wasn’t a pitch for professional consultants and happiness gurus (although actually you know what? I would love that job!!) because this honesty can be expressed as a normal part of day to day life.
Like Noreen and I talked about, it isn’t always appropriate to express this stuff in the public arena but that’s where support networks (such as the mastermind groups you advocate) can come into their own.
As for the back story, hmmm, that’s a whole other blog post I suspect.
So true, El. What’s worse is that there’s a segment of the blog coaching population who seem to advise that it’s best to always put a sunny face on things, and so hide away what’s really going on.
But you know, that’s not reality. And, one of the reasons I set up my own business was to get away from the corporate requirement to put a face on things. Like I think your headline says, I get paradoxically more traffic on my blog, and more interest in my coaching when I am most myself warts and all.
You know what? I suspect that we have a built in bs detector so when someone starts being real and shows their ‘warts and all’, it disarms people and draws them to you. It’s like people know that you have your foibles (because we all do) and by expressing them, you show others that you can be trusted when you tell them other stuff.
A bit of perspective can throw you off sometimes, it does happen to all of us. I guess the difference between successful people is the ones who accept it and work through it doing their best, while those who fail give up, or not try hard enough and let these feelings rule them.
I’m not sure I totally agree with you Wade (although I appreciate the opportunity to talk about it so let me know what you think) because I really am a feelings kind of girl. I am ruled a lot by my heart and have made business decisions on how something feels. In fact I’d go so far as to say that the times I have ignored my feelings and gone with logic have, on occasions, been disastrous!
But I also agree with you, successful people do seem to have the knack of pushing through the stuff that feels cloudy instead of giving up just because stuff feels difficult.
Cracking post El,
And that headline is so cool.
Thanks
Awww, thanks Milt.
I can’t really take credit for the headline. As you may have gathered from the comments, Dave introduced me to the formula for this one and the ultimate credit must go to the legend that is John Caples.